Kindness first

I've got a friend who sometimes will go for the kill in an argument, even when she doesn't really know the people (although they may be friends of mine!).

I couldn't work out what it was about this that bothered me so much.

Then I realised it was because for me, I would not do it for many reasons. One being I wouldn't want to embarrass my friend who had invited me into a new social circle. Secondly, I wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of the person with a different view. Third, I could be wrong in my perspective, and going for the kill slams shut the door for any possibility of seeing another point of view. Fourth, if someone can't see I am right, why would I bother trying to convince them otherwise?!

But the thing at the heart of the matter was that she was most concerned about getting the other person to realise they were wrong and she was right. At whatever cost, she wanted to get her point across and didn't give a damn about the other person's feelings, experiences or perspective (my friend!).

I think the trade offs between kindness and being right do change depending on the situation.

But the next time you or someone you knows starts to get in a fight to the death about their point of view, may they momentary ask themselves: what is more important here: being right or being kind?