Going mental

About this time each year, I go a bit mental. Inexplicably, I seem to regress to a former state of insecurity, irrationality and general loss of plotness. That's never good and no matter how hard I try to curtail it, then deal with it, or whatever, it doesn't seem to help. I analyse every detail of my life to the gazillionth degree and still find no answers.

At some stage in the process I will realise that the only thing that works is surrender, by which time I have hopefully managed not to alienate those who I love the most (honey please try to remember all the loveliest things about me right now!). Or drunk too much. Or eaten too much chocolate.

I might even have a friend who suggests that painting might help.

I'll cry and generally not cope with life for a few weeks and feel I am returning 'back there' to the darkest abyss from which I thought I would never escape.

And then I will remember. That it's that time of year again. Coming up to the anniversary of her death. It was a terrible time for me and right about now, was when I amidst the darkest part of it.

No matter what I do, it's always the same.

So, to all those lovely people out there missing someone you have loved and lost.

May you find peace, love and tenderness in your sadness. Our loved ones are safe and free. Let us not suffer too much but rather reflect on how very blessed we were to have known and loved that person/s and that if we loved them that much, they must surely have loved us too.

They are our guardian angels now.