Generosity of spirit

I am over here doing some research and I love research. I am grateful today that people share their inner worlds with me. I couldn't do my job without that sharing.

Anyway, here's to the kids and the sharing of themselves and their hearts with me.

Joy and sorrow drink from the same cup

I am starting to enjoy this trip and know I will reflect on my return for many years to come. I've thrown myself in at the deep end and am starting to engage with the issues at the heart of the place, while seeing the beauty and looking at finding solutions of how what we are doing here can be improved and refined.

It is a big job I have set myself, but I wouldn't be here if I couldn't do it and I am realising how much I love my work and how lucky I am that I have found my path.

Anyway, today's reflection is that I really do feel that our sorrow carves the depth of our inner cup. And it is this same cup that holds our joy.

So, if you see someone radiating with love and light beyond measure, then chances are they have also, on some level at least, known great suffering.

Humbled by my lessons and my experiences right now.

PS Honey, I think it is for this reason and the many still to come that Miami might just not be a good place for me on my return. Let's talk xxx

Freedom

It's Freedom Day today in South Africa which means that it is the Day of Celebrating the end of Apartheid and the day that Nelson Mandela became President.

Now what better thing to celebrate than that?

I know so little about world politics or history really, which is kind of embarrassing. But I know what freedom is and I am so so glad the people have it.

Freedom sings and cries and roars

And a tear is shed.

So much about this place is extreme. The inequality, the weather, the love and hate, the inequality, the diversity of the people.

But then who has more - the person living in the big house crying themself to sleep each night with loneliness and locking the cage to the bedroom door for fear of being killed in their own home. Or - the hungry kid, living in a wooden shack, sitting on his Granny's knee before bed?

Anyway, here's to freedom. Because we are so damn lucky to have it.

Loneliness

For a very long time, I cannot remember crying myself to sleep through sheer loneliness. And I am sure there are many people out there who do it every night.

My first week here has not been easy, but I have a feel for the place and it is at least 'real' in some sense.

And thanks to the kindness of relative strangers, my loneliness is abating and I am finding that love knows no bounds of culture or colour or gender. It is simply from the kindness of sharing of oneself in all your honesty and vulnerability.

So, here's to the lessons learned from loneliness that we can appreciate the sharing from others.

Africa here I come

I am heading off tomorrow to do some work for the HIV/arts kids charity called MADaboutART. I'll be going to 'their place' - a small township in South Africa called Nekkies.

I have no concept of what it will be like, or how it will be, or how I will feel, but I hope that I see the beauty in some of the most dire of situations. I'm a bit scared about the whole thing for various reasons, but I know my Angels are coming with me, and that somehow I have been called there.

I love the kids I have met from there. They shine with a beauty, hope and love that seems boundless to me. They are enormously talented people, who want to Make A Difference for themselves and others.

So, here's to my trip to South Africa. May it be blessed with love and peace and hope and inspiration.

Acceptance

I used to spend a lot of time being angry that things or people or relationships weren't the way I wanted them to be.

And then one day something wonderful happened.

I realised that as long as I wanted someone to change or love me in the way I wanted to be loved (which had been proved many many times over was not possible for them), then I would never truely be at peace.

So, I decided to accept that there are different levels of love and different forms of relationships and different ways of doing things.

And you know, it was a turning point.

I stopped feeling like I had to defend myself. I stopped wanting something that I couldn't have. I stopped being angry.

I felt a bit lighter somehow. I found my world started getting bigger again.

I felt confident to do what I knew I must for me, without feeling guilty about it. I respected myself and stopped caring if others did the same.

So, here's to acceptance. To forgiving other people for not being the way you wanted them to be and setting them (and yourself) free.

The rocks are sculptures

We went for a walk down in Devon and it wasn't sandy but completely rocky.

Being a bit of a beach snob having grown up in Australia (which has some of the finest beaches on the planet), I have always snubbed the English coastline. What ignorance!

It is amazing. I noticed the beautiful rocks on the beach and there were some beauties. Each one seemed to tell a story. They were of many different colours. Many different shapes and sizes. They were works of art...

I wondered what kind of rocks they were, where they came from, the things they'd seen.

I took this photo of one amazing rock I found. It asked to stay in its home, rather than coming to live at my place. So, this is all I have to remember it by.

So, heres to rocks and our appreciation of their stories...

Take me to Beer

We went on a road trip for Easter and stayed in a quaint fishing village called Beer. We ate fish and chips by the sea (probably caught fresh that day) and went on a magnificent walk along the coast. Down in Devon, it really is a slice of heaven.

Nothing else to say other than enjoy these few pictures... It's amazing how when time slows down, the days are so much longer. And nothing like some fresh air to clear away those City cobwebs and fog.

So, here's to middle earth...because it is detox for the soul...

Autobiography of a Yogi - 2

I am reading this book with wonder at the moment.

It is on one level a very interesting read with the stories of yogis with capabilities to transcend the usual physicialities that contain the average layperson eg levitation, not needing to sleep, not needing to eat, battling tigers etc.

It also offers a wonderful sense of peace. Somehow, the book seems infused with an incredibly warm love and serenity that permeates from the pages and connects the reader to its now long passed author.

One of the messages, though, that I have found beautifully simple and wanted to share here is that the manifestation of love, or divinity, or goodness or peace or whatever you want to call it, comes in so many different shapes and sizes and forms and expressions. And we really are all unique in our ability to express that.

So, today, here's to your ability to see how truely magnificent you are in your own special way. The angels want you to know you are loved beyond measure...

Thought for today - Love Heals

I watched an interesting movie about a young woman called Ali Gertz who was diagnosed with AIDS in 1988 - she was heterosexual, never taken drugs, no blood transfusions. By the time she got PCP (a very nasty pnuemonial illness that most people's body's wouldn't even notice), the HIV had progressed to AIDS and she was in a very bad way indeed.

Anyway, this woman decided to get a voice and started doing a lot of lectures and things in schools, talking with teenagers about looking after themselves, taking responsibility by wearing a condom, and breaking down some of the myths that HIV could only happen to white gay men, druggies, people with some connection to Africa or prostitutes.

Almost 20 years on, and I have to say that those myths still exist.

And little are people realising that HIV (and STIs) is everyone's problem and that it's in the heterosexual community and here to stay.

Anyway, the point of my story is that this woman Ali, her family and her friends set up a charity called Loveheals.org.

Love Heals.

I think that is such a beautiful name for a charity.

It is so true. Love does heal. Love is the way to peace and light and hope and acceptance and truth.

So, here's to love. And here's to healing...

Dry skin brushing

I’m not expert, but I can’t help thinking when I see various lotions, potions and treatments advertised for cellulite, that a good dose of dry skin brushing would probably improve things no end to banish that ‘orange peel' look.

I’m no skinny minny, but I’ve not got a major problem with cellulite. And one of the reasons I think is:

Dry skin brushing.

All you need is a loofah which you use on dry skin (not wet which can drag your skin). Make sure the movements are in the direction of the heart. Good bit of exercise first thing in the morning. Environmentally friendly. Cheap.

Drinking plenty of water always helps for these things too (not that I am very good with that either).

And if you are feeling really brave, end the shower with a cold burst to get that lymph flowing.

Spotless

Today is a big day for me because for the first time in my adult life, I have a cleaner. Well, may I say Domestic Goddess.

She is wonderful and I am so happy I can't wipe the smile off my face. And the house looks fab and I didn't have to lift a finger.

So, here's to The Divine Ms M (she shall remain nameless for privacy sake). Thank you with all my heart. I think I love you already!

Keeping the faith

I was feeling completely devoid of inspiration of what to put on my blog, as it is a while since I last posted and I wanted to do a daily thing. So, I decided to just log on and see what came.

Then a miracle happened.

That poem, Footprints popped into my head and I realised that even in the times of darkness, we need to keep faith that there is light and we will see it again. We have to, as my friend Maite says, take off our sunglasses.

So, here is that poem called Footprints in the Sand by Mary Stevenson to remind you that even if you may feel abandoned or lose your way, you are never truely alone...

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied,"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I Carried You."

After darkness there is light

I don't know about you, but I am intimately aquainted with depression and have been for years. I have to say, it has probably been my greatest teacher, although not always a kind one.

For me, depression comes to visit when something needs to change - a job, a house, a relationship, or a way of thinking/reacting that we no longer need. I see it as something of a divine wake up call.

There is also one thing I have learned about depression - this too will pass. It may take time (in some cases for me, one bout of it lasted for up to 6 months), but there always came a moment of grace, when even just for a few moments, the cloud would lift and I would be free again to see that the concept of a sun existed.

I've just come out of a bout of it (they only last a couple of days for me now, as I seem to be very proficient in working out what is the issue and making the necessary changes either externally or internally - you know what they say, practise makes perfect), and realised today that I feel and look different somehow.

It's as though by coming through the darkness, I can now hold more light. And that I think is worth celebrating...

So, here's to depression and it teaching us how to liberate ourselves from our fears and thus allowing us a greater connection to the Divine.

The many faces of loss

I realised this morning, that I am actually in mourning over a particular relationship that has reached the point of irreconcilable differences (don't worry, the marriage is fine!).

You know when something triggers you to look deeply at a situation or person or relationship and you come to realise with clarity that something is horribly horribly wrong. And then you realise you can't go back but you don't know how to move on?

Well that for me is a type of loss.

A loss of a future that might have been that won't be, the fulfilment of a dream that isn't going to happen, a path that you won't ever take.

But then, as I sit and write this, I realise that as one door closes another always opens and that where we think we are heading, isn't necessarily where we'll end up. And that if you have faith that there is a plan for all of us, then really all we need to do is find the path and then follow it.

And then you realise that it's not really loss at all. It's just a change of direction.

So, here's to (the often painful) unexpected changes of plans and new beginnings... and may their transition be gentle.

To kindness...and may it be plentiful...amen

Today, I have been reflecting on kindness (or in this particular case the lack of it) and for me, it ranks very highly in the spiritual stakes. Above most other things in fact. If you have wisdom, love and peace, but you have no kindness, then I feel you have missed something very fundamental.

Because for me, true kindness is about love and not ego, it is about giving and not taking, it is soft and gentle and compassionate, it is nurturing and open, it is gracious, it is tender, it is about the other person.

So, here's to kindness as a state of being. Because I think it rocks!

Language difficulties

When I met el Latino Love God, I couldn't speak a word of Spanish. It took me a few weeks to be able to say his last name properly, and several months to get out a decent 'hola'. Somehow it seems as though as one gets older, the ability to learn another language gets harder...or maybe it's just me...

Anyway, we used to go to Spain and I would receive full immersion into the language, as his family sat around talking extremely quickly and on top of each other and for the first few times we went, I could hardly make out even a word.

Then, as I started to get a bit more exposure to his beautiful language, I noticed that I seemed to be coming up quite a lot in conversation. Beth here... Beth there. Even his Mum would talk about me. An interesting mix of ego stroking/I'm the centre of everyone's universe and paranoia/what they hell are they saying about me? interspersed my thoughts...

Then one day, I asked my beloved what they were talking about, as I seemed to be featuring quite a lot that day. He mentioned something about a friend of his mum's and something that had happened to her or something. The point being, it had nothing whatsoever to do with me.

Curious, I said, 'but why then am I in the conversation?'. He looked back equally curious... 'what do you mean? We're not talking about you?'.

'But', I said, 'my name seems to be coming up a lot'.

A flash of recognition mixed with a sparkle came to his face. 'Beth... we're not talking about you, mi amor. Beth (vez) means time!'.

'Oh', I said. 'That's almost as funny as the time I said to your mum on a warm summer day as we were out walking, not 'Isn't it hot?', but 'I am so horny!'. Mmmmm she said looking at her son. That's just a little bit too much information!

So, here's to language barriers and overcoming them with humour and with love.

Funky toenails

I am not one (knowingly) for using Americanisms with the exception of one - funky. How much nicer is it to talk of something awful as funky than as, in this case, fungally, or festy or filthy. Funky kind of makes it OK and less repugnant (at least for me anyway).

However, I digress from today's topic, which is the state of a couple of my toenails. Not lightly admitted in public, and the only reason I am telling you this is because if any of you out there have ever had a toenail infection, you will know it is really revolting and exceedingly difficult to get rid of.

Well, so I thought.

The current standard of treatment in the medical world is this vile stuff called Lamisil, which can be taken orally or applied to the offending nail/s. The oral treatment basically destroys your insides and can compromise your liver and has a variety of other possible side effects. Oh and did I mention is extremely expensive? Not an option for me, thanks. So then the alternative is you can apply this nail varnish to the nail every few days for 6-12 months (maybe longer) and I can say I tried it and it didn't work.

So, I came across this website which offered some hope as it suggests lots of altenative home treatments that have been tried and tested, like Vicks Vaporub, distilled vinegar, oregano oil etc...

http://georgestancliffe.freewebsitehosting.com/

Anyway, I decided on the daily Vicks Vaporub, filing the nail every couple of days and sporadic distilled vinegar foot baths (which I've not done because it's too much hassle so I just apply some to the nail when I have more than 5 minutes in the morning).

I've been putting the Vicks on daily for what must be about 3 weeks now (checked diary and it is 3 1/2 weeks) and today a miracle happened. I was filing my big toe nail and the bit that's gone a bit yellow (no foot modelling for me for a while, but hey, I gave up those aspirations some time ago) split off and left behind a lovely fresh looking rest of the nail.

The point is, I feel we are making progress and something positive is happening to the little treasures (aka funky toenails). So, I will keep on going and keep you posted on developments.

It's a long term project, but I can see the possible light of success at the end of the tunnel. And I will keep on with my affirmation about embracing life's path, as the feet represent moving forward apparently.

So, for all those people out there with funky toenails. You are not alone. Why not try the Vicks or Vinegar option? You've got nothing to lose...